Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will be naked everywhere
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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