How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
whose ass print is on the piano?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize