oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there was a trapeze. enough said
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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