her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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