It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
