I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
