I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
