Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
