His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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