A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
