Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
