I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
