is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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