if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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