his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
