You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize