Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
