Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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