Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm too high and old for this...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
