marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
