Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Small penises have feelings too.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
