I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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