Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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