I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
