Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
