im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All the doctor said was why
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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