Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
