Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
