At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
