I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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