In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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