before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
