I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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