There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
