The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
