My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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