i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
PANTIES FOUND
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