WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
