i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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