sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize