Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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