but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
