fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
