i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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