he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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