Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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