It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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