That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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