just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
