Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
