did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
