Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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