Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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