tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
