they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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