sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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