THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will pee on everything he values.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think people are normalizing furries
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize