Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
