oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize