she woke up with a sticky ear
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
