You can't motorboat a personality
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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