mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
