He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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