no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
