guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We are two peas in an std pod
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
