Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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