I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
